Tentacles of Doom

Infobox Television episode
Title = Tentacles Of Doom
Series = Father Ted


Caption = Ted tells Dougal a scary story
Season = 2
Episode = 3
Airdate = 22 March 1996
Production =
Writer = Graham Linehan, Arthur Mathews
Director = Declan Lowney
Guests = Kevin Moore (Bishop O'Neill), Denys Hawthorne (Bishop Fachs), Paddy Ward (Bishop Jordan), Tony Guilfoyle (Fr. Larry Duff)
Episode list = List of Father Ted episodes
Season list = Father Ted Series 2
Prev = Think Fast, Father Ted
Next = The Old Grey Whistle Theft

"Tentacles Of Doom" is the 3rd episode of the second series of Channel 4 sitcom Father Ted and the 9th episode overall.

ynopsis

The episode begins with Dougal reading a book of 'Gary Lineker's Book of Ghost Stories', supposedly too scary to complete - followed by a discussion with Ted on ghost sightings (following a rambling 'scary' story, neither has seen any - Dougal's 'ghost' in fact being Ted himself). While dealing with serious plumbing problems at the parochial house, Ted receives some bad news. He learns that the nearby Holy Stone of Clonrichert is being upgraded to a "class two relic" by the Vatican. Three bishops are to be sent to Craggy Island to perform the ceremony. This means that the priests must be "on their best behavior". Ted realizes that Father Jack, in his perpetual drunken state, stands to offend the bishops. He sets out to train Jack to say some all-encompassing phrases, apart from his usual stream of obscenities. After much effort, Jack is able to enunciate "Yes" and "that would be an ecumenical matter".

When the bishops arrive, the priests manage to interact fairly normally with the visitors. One, Bishop O'Neill, even goes so far as to say that Jack will make a valuable contribution during their visit. Another, Bishop Fachs, dominates conversation with enthusiastic rhetoric about improving the church's image. The oldest, Bishop Jordan, remains mainly contemplative, although he warns them that he has a heart condition. The ceremony passes without incident and the priests and bishops begin to interact on a one-to-one basis. Father Ted is thoroughly confused by Bishop Jordan's thoughts on mortality and asks to be excused for a trip to the toilet. Unfortunately, Bishop Jordan situates himself above the drain where the parochial house's sewage is fired into the air in lieu of proper disposal. When Ted flushes, the old man has a heart attack.

Dougal and Bishop O'Neill share a conversation. Dougal talks about the doubts he has regarding organised religion and the Catholic Church. The bishop listens in earnest. Meanwhile, Bishop Fachs becomes increasingly aggressive with Father Jack at the relic site. Finally, Jack loses the restraint he had practiced as he attacks Bishop Fachs and inserts the Holy Stone into his rectum. The last scene shows Bishop O'Neill embracing Dougal's jumbled philosophy as he gives up the church for a life as a hippie. Bishop Fachs, clearly in agony, is escorted away for medical attention (Ted briefly asks if the Holy Stone 'will still be a Class 2 when they remove it'). It is then revealed that Bishop Jordan has died, as his coffin is taken from the parochial house. When all have gone, Ted reflects on the visit, thinking it went rather well.

External links

* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0578519/ "Tentacles Of Doom" at the IMDB]